Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Stand up with me!!!!!!

Through my journey to recovery from sexual abuse, through my blog and my twitter account i plan on using my voice to help shed light on the issue of silence of abuse. Like ive said plenty of times through my previous post i was silent for over 10 yrs. I have gotten so much support from all of you who are following me here on my blog and on both my twitter accounts @taracl87 and @silence_no. I am thankful for you all and i hope that through my blog and tweets you are also encourage to do the same and speak out against abuse and use your voice to help end this pain and crime. So many people out there who do no have anyone to talk to about their abuse because they are told to remain silent no only through the abuser but by family members. Not all of us have the luxury to say that our parents have our backs or are supporting us. In my case i have a mother who refuses to hear the truth about her husband who molested her two daughters. She didnt believe my sister so i never told her about myself. That is why i was silent for so longer. I refuse to stay silent. No longer will i allow my silence to keep control over me. All it is doing is making me suffer and relive that those days where i was  molested. I do not want to keep reliving the memories or flashbacks. Thats is why i spoke out this year. It may have been online but at least my story is out there. I know that through my story i can help someone. Well at least i hope. I may not understand how it is to be raped. I was just molested but its still a crime. I felt i was being raped because of what my stepdad did to me when he pinned me against the wall. It was horrible.

What i am trying to say by this is that i am here using my voice and story to help others speak out. I want to help end this abuse and end the silence. I want us all to STAND UP TOGETHER!!! I want us to FIGHT THIS FIGHT TOGETHER!!!! Together we can end this one step at a time. All it takes is for a bunch of us rather your a survivor or support to stand up and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!! WE WILL NOT TAKE THIS ABUSE NO MORE. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SPEAK OUT. Rather its someone you trust or online, share your voice, share your story. Please lets help each other out and bring justice to those who cant like myself. NO MORE SILENCE!!! NO MORE VICTIMS. WE ARE BREAKING THE SILENCE ONCE AND FOR ALL.

Friday, December 16, 2011

I spoke out and it should matter.

Well as some of you know here and on twitter i was thinking about telling my mo about my abuse from my stepfather. I was going to tell her because 1) i felt i needed to tell her. I felt it was a weight on my shoulders and 2) i felt like i owe it to my followers who look up to me and ask me for help on speaking out. I do not want to look like a hypocrite for telling others to seek justice if I havent done so myself. You have to understand how hard it is for me to speak to my mom about my abuse. I do plan on telling her but not the way i was thinking on doing it. I cant just spring it her. She has a bad heart. She cant be going through any stress because she can have a heart attack. So i was weighing my options to see which is the best way to tell her if i did decide i will go through it. The choice i came up with is this, my mom would sometimes ask me if my stepfather has ever gotten fresh with me or touched me and i would tell her no because i was afraid of telling her the truth. So i decided that if she did ask me again, i will try and have enough courage to tell her the truth. But until then i cant tell her. I cant risk hurting her. I would bare having that blame on me.. So i will wait until the right time to speak to her but for now I SPOKE OUT ONLINE AND THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH. AS LONG AS WE HAVE SPOKEN OUT ABOUT OUR ABUSE, IT SHOULD MATTER THE FORM WE DO IT. WE ARE STILL SPREADING THE WORD OUT THAT WE WERE ABUSED. OUR ABUSERS HAVE NO SAY ANYMORE. THEY CANT HARM US. THEY CANT TOUCH US. NO LONGER ARE WE SILENT. THE MINUTE WE CHOSE TO SPEAK OUT IS THE MINUTE WE DECIDED TO END THE SILENCE. TOGETHER WE ARE BREAKING THE SILENCE. NO MORE VICTIMS. NO MORE SILENCE.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

I DO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.........

As you have read my story on here before you will see that i was molested twice by two family members, my uncle and my stepdad. Both lasted a while but with my stepfather it lasted a lot longer than with my uncle. I have a point i want to make. Someone on my twitter account who no longer follows me told me i don't understand her because i wasn't raped. Maybe i don't understand what its like being raped but when my stepfather was holding me against the wall and moving his body back and forth i felt like i was raped. So in ways i do understand how you feel...........................

I know what its like to be afraid and not being able to tell anyone.
I know how it to have to deal with feeling guilty, like it was all your fault.
I know how it feels when you don't have anyone believe you or refuses to hear the truth.
I know what its like wanted to KILL YOURSELF over it.
I know how it is to cut yourself.

I can keep going down the list but you get what i am trying to say here. I understand how you feel. I still deal with the emotions simply because I had remain silent for 10+ years. I never had anyone to talk to besides my sister but because she was also molested by our stepfather i dared not tell her because i did not want to be a burden on her shoulders. But the fact of the matter is that i could have told her and maybe i would not felt like i was online in this. For a while i felt alone. It wasn't until i joined twitter for Mariska Hargitay and saw that she had a foundation (Joyful Heart) that educated and empowered women of sexual abuse, child abuse and domestic violence, and met other survivors who helped encourage me to speak out so i did. Thank to one known as Teri Lynn Hatcher (Not the real actress), she helped me out alot and i am thankful to have met her. 

So the reason for this post is to show you 1) i felt like no one would understand and 2) show you that i now know that there are others like me and i do understand how you feel. We are SURVIVORS. NO MORE VICTIMS. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. LETS STAND STRONG AND HOLD EACH OTHER UP!!!

Friday, December 9, 2011

I STAND UP FOR JUSTICE AND SPEAKING OUT!!!!

I STAND UP FOR JUSTICE AND SPEAKING OUT is my daily tweet that i use when i am on my twitter to help end the silence against abuse and to help shed light on this issue. Through my blog i am using my voice to end the silence. I spoke out the beginning of this year and i only started speaking out online. I have not spoke out publically to my mother or anything like that because of what i wrote in my previous posts. The reason i create my blog is to help others speak out and to give others a voice. I know there are many out there who need a voice and i chose to be that voice. I am breaking my silence and if by chance any one in my family sees this and it gets back to my mom its ok. Someday when its right i will tell her the truth but as of now i cant. But that besides the point. I want to help others get the justice they deserve. I did deserve justice when i was first molested about 10+yrs ago. But as a child you are afraid to say anything to your mom especially when it is her husband who is molesting you. How as a child do you have courage to speak out to your mom or just anyone you trust? Its hard. Some do not have that courage. I didn't. In ways i still do not have courage to tell her her husband abused me and im 24 yrs old. I'm originally from the state of Connecticut and according to some research i did online, the statute of limitations is that you have until your 48th birthday to report the abuse that occurred. I'm not sure how accurate that is but if that is the case i still can. But the choice is still mine and if i did have the opportunity then i will seek justice. But as of now i am encouraging others to seek the help they need. Do not make the same mistake as I. I know its a scary thought to speak out about abuse. I know its hard and its something you really need to be courageous about but in the end you will feel a lot better. I know it seems pointless sometime because you see shows like Law and Order SVU and sometime the victims do not get the justice but the fact that you spoke out pubically and expose that person as a rapist or molester is a great thing. If you are familiar with the actress Mariska Hargitay from the show SVU her character Det. Olivia Benson said this to the victims, " TRUE HEALING COMES WHEN YOU BEAR WITNESS!" Well i believe those are the words she used. Its a true statement. Please do not be discouraged but if there is a point where that would happen be very proud of yourself for speaking out and getting help.

YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK. YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH AND COURAGE TO SPEAK OUT. DO NOT BE AFRAID. I UNDERSTAND IT IS DIFFICULT. LOOK AT HOW LONG IT TOOK ME. I KNOW ITS SCARY. I KNOW HOW IT IS TO FEEL LIKE NO ONE WILL BELIEVE BUT GUESS WHAT!! I BELIEVE YOU. I SUPPORT YOU. I WILL BE HERE WITH AND FOR YOU. I AM YOUR VOICE. LETS FIGHT THIS FIGHT TOGETHER. LETS BREAK THE SILENCE. WE ARE FREE. WE CAN HEAL TOGETHER!!!

I STAND UP FOR JUSTICE AND SPEAKING OUT. NO LONGER WILL I ALLOW MY ABUSERS TO CONTROL ME. I AM BREAKING THE SILENCE NOW!!!!! NO MORE VICTIMS!!!!!! NO MORE SILENCE!!!!!!!

Open Eyes Open Arns

This is a website that i have shared my story on as well. They are an organization that helps victims. Please help and support them. Thank you.


Open Eyes Open Arms is a web-based non-profit organization formed to combat the issue of sexual and domestic violence young women face in our nation. We open our arms to the women these types of crimes affect, and open the eyes of the world to the many faces of victims of the abuse. We want to help women realize their own self-worth, as well as the importance of caring for their mind, body and soul. It is vital for the young women in our society to learn their worth, as this will empower them to overcome any obstacle in life. Open Eyes Open Arms is a safe haven for women to share, learn and grow; a place where they can be rest assured they are not alone. GIVE SOME HOLIDAY HOME. This Season Open Eyes Open Arms are raising money to purchase clothing and gift items, as well as to fund future projects for Open Eyes, Open Arms. At any trauma center, after a survivor goes through a rape exam they must surrender their clothing as evidence. This Christmas we will be raising money to purchase a variety of clothing in all sizes for survivors. We will also be purchasing comforting gifts, e.g. teddy bears, to give to survivors of all ages so they can leave the trauma center feeling they have something to hold on to. Please help provide this crucial support to victims. From a survivor herself, the President and Founder of Open Eyes Open Arms, just wants to give back what she has once received. You can check them out at www.openeyesopenarms.com or follow them on twitter @OpenEOpenA

This is a great site. Support them with me. Follow them on twitter and check out there website. Thank you for supporting them. If your supporting me through my blog, please i ask you to help them as well. Thank you. We need to stick together. Through Open Eyes and myself and all of you we can continue to spread the word and shed light to all other victims.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

One of my fears!!!!!

Hey everyone. I know its been days since i last wrote something here. Just been busy with work and school. This will be a short post. Just want to make a point and such.

Anyway i want to talk about one of my fears. Although i know it will not happen nor will i ever allow it to happen, i was afraid that i myself would become an ABUSER. I know it wont happen but there are women who are molested as well. In my opinion its rare when you hear cases that involve women vs child. I know men become abusers because most of them have been abused themselves and most of them do not report it so in ways they in turn start to abuse women and children. I was afraid that i may become one. I do not want to. I want to break that cycle. I am ending it now. I AM BREAKING THE SILENCE AND THE CHAIN OF ABUSE. IT ENDS WITH ME. ITS ENDS WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!! NO LONGER WILL WE ALLOW THIS ABUSE TO OCCUR. WE WILL NOT BECOME ABUSERS OURSELVES. WE ARE STRONGER THAN WE THINK. USE OUR VOICES TO KEEP SEEKING JUSTICE AND SPEAKING OUT. LETS END THE ABUSE!!!! WE WILL BREAK THE CYCLE OF ABUSE. WE WILL NOT ALLOW OUR ABUSERS TO MAKE US FEEL WORTHLESS, UGLY, WEAK, FEARFUL. WE ARE BETTER THAN THAT. WE ARE STRONG, BEAUTIFUL, FEARLESS!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM YOUR VOICE AND I STAND UP FOR ALL OF YOU. IF YOU ARE AFRAID I AM HERE. I WILL SPEAK OUT AGAINST ABUSE FOR YOU. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. NOT NOW NOT EVER!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE FREE!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE SUPPORTED!!!!!!!