Becoming a counselor?

Well some may know this but to those who do not know i started college over the summer and im majoring in psychology to become a counselor for women and children. Since i was younger i wanted to either be a social worker or teacher. I love helping others and being around children as well. So i figured a teacher and social worker would be the best career choices for me.....

Well since i was younger i always denied the fact that i was abused. I didn't want to admit to myself or anyone that i was abused so thinking about helping others shouldn't bother me. Well in ways i was wrong. Since i started speaking out last year even though i didn't start school until the summer and i spoke out in the beginning of the year, i felt that me becoming a counselor wouldn't be a good idea. How can i be a counselor and help others if i haven't received counseling myself? I wouldn't know what process i would have to go through to help the person. So in my mind i thought that i wouldn't make a good counselor. It wasnt until i started my blog and talking about my abuse and being able to relate to others that i realized that i can be a counselor and its my passion and calling. I realized that i can help people especially those who been through what we all suffered.

I felt like i wasnt meant to be a counselor but as i show my blog grow and even my twitter grow with other survivors, i knew i was meant to help others. I already do it through my blog.  I am no longer afraid to achieve my goal as a counselor and i know i will be a great one because i have experiences that i can relate to my clients. And i know i will continue to get my healing by helping others and pursuing my passion.

I WILL BE A COUNSELOR AND I KNOW I WILL HELP OTHERS THROUGH THEIR JOURNEY AND HEALING. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. WE CAN GET THROUGH TOGETHER.

Stop blaming the victims.

OK so i don't know about anyone else but i am tired of hearing people blame the victims of rape/molestation and saying " If they didn't act like that or wear that, they wouldn't get raped. Yes we should be careful with what we wear bur at the same time we have the right to wear whatever we want. Victims shouldn't be the one to blame. I mean don't go out there in just underwear and a bra but be careful on what you do wear. Either way you shouldn't blame the victim even if she did wear just underwear and a bra. Its not like they are asking to get raped or molested. They are just comfortable with their bodies. I mean i agree that you should watch what you wear especially when your in a place thats horrible but also you should be able to dress the way you want with out feeling like something bad will happen to you.

I dont know.............

This is something that im confused on. I mean its not like its rocket science here you know. I mean i dont want  to say that you should blame the victim. Its never the victims fault. No matter how it happens.

Well this is my opinion. Feel free to comment if you want to add to this or what ever your opinion is but overall i dont think you should blame the victim. Its not right...............

I finally let go!!!

So to all my readers and twitter followers, you all know about my abuse. Well even though i sit here and post and encourage others to speak out and not let what happened to us get the best of us and keep us down, i myself wasnt really taking my own advice. Yes i spoke out and shared my story many times but i was still holding on to the pain and hurt and not fully letting it go so i can heal. Yes its going to be hard to let it go but if we keep shutting ourselves away from people and hiding what happened to us we are not going to get full healing. Like Mariska said in the one episode of SVU " True healing comes when you bear witness meaning that when you speak out, others can hear you and your story can touch them and they will have courage to speak out and that in turn will help you heal because you know that your helping others deal with their pain while your dealing with yours.

I wasnt trying to contradict myself here. I was just as afraid as must of you of letting my guard down and allowing myself to get hurt again and i hate feeling rejected. I want to be able to be with a guy and not be afraid of getting hurt again. I dont want to push others away especially if they are special to me and have a purpose in my life. We cant go through life thinking that everyone we meet will hurt us. Its not like that. We have to get over that fear. Yes we may get heart broken but in the end that will make us stronger. Even in the midst of darkness there is light. And that light is that by us sharing our voices and sharing our stories to others, we can help break the cycle of silence. So many people are afraid of speaking out because of the fear of getting hurt again or our abusers will attack us or our families. But if we seek justice all of that can go away. Again yes there will be moments where we feel that we cant go on but if we just hang on a little longer it will and can get better. My sister helped me figure this out- by us continuing to stay in that moment of our abuse its like we're allowing our abusers to hurt us again and we dont want that at all.

If we continue to use our voices and share our stories we stop giving our abusers glory. By us staying silent, we are hurting ourselves while our abusers are enjoying their lives and acting like nothing happened. But something did happen and now its the time to get through it and stand up together and break free.

WE DECLARE AT THIS MOMENT THAT WE ARE CHOOSING TO BREAK FREE FROM OUR ABUSERS BY SHARING OUR VOICES AND OUR STORIES. WE  WILL NO LONGER REMAIN SILENT. WE WILL NO LONGER LET OUR HURT KEEP CONTROL OVER US. WE CHOOSE NOW TO LET IT GO AND RECEIVE FULL HEALING AND ALLOWING OTHERS INTO OUR LIVES TO HELP US GET THROUGH THIS JOURNEY. WE ARE BREAKING THE SILENCE AND BREAKING EVERY ATTACK AGAINST US FOR USING OUR VOICES.

If you agree with this statement then comment or tweet me through my twitter accounts
@silence_no @taracl87

Being raped or molested is no joke!! Its not our faults!!!!

I said this once before and i will say it again. I am tired of people talking badly about us being raped and molested. Im tired of people making joking and/or blaming the victims for what happened to us. Do you honestly think that we asked to get raped/molested? No the hell we didnt. Sorry for the language but im tired of either being blamed that its our faults or that we are not believed. People prefer to believe the abuser over the victims. It should matter how we dress or act the night it happened, it shouldn't have happened in the first place. It doesn't matter if you were considered a slut or not, you didn't deserve to be raped/molested. Its not our faults that we were in the hands of abusers. Its not our faults that we didn't have anyone to talk to about this situation. Its not our faults.

SO I SAY TO YOU DO NOT DARE TO SIT THERE AND SAY THAT ITS OUR FAULTS. THAT WE ASKED TO GET RAPED/MOLESTED. YOU COULD BE THE CRUELEST PERSON IN THE WORLD BUT NO ONE UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DESERVES TO ENDURE THIS TYPE OF PAIN IN THEIR LIVES.

WE NEVER WANTED THIS BURDEN UPON US. IT WASNT OUR FAULT THAT NO ONE PROTECTED US. IT WASNT OUR FAULT THAT WHEN WE TOLD SOMEONE THEY DIDNT WANT TO BELIEVE US. ITS NOT OUR FAULTS.

SO ONCE AGAIN I SAY TO YOU DO NOT DARE TO SAY THAT ITS THE VICTIMS FAULT AND DO NOT JOKE ABOUT THIS MATTER. IM TIRED OF PEOPLE NOT TAKING  THIS SUBJECT SERIOUSLY. SO MANY UNTESTED RAPE KITS OUT THERE AND NO ONE WANTS TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

WE CAN HEAL BY SHARING OUR STORIES AND STAYING STRONG. WE CAN GAIN OUR LIVES BACK AND I BELIEVE BY DOING SO IS 1) SAYING ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I AM STRONGER THAN BEFORE. MY ABUSERS WILL NO LONGER KEEP CONTROL OVER ME 2) SHARING YOUR STORY WITH OTHERS TO HELP THEM HEAL

Here are a few organizations you can follow on twitter that can help with our situations.
@TheJHF, @RAINN01,
There are others as well but this are the two that have helped me through other survivors stories. Get the help you need. I am here to only speak out and help encourage others to do the same.

Stand up with me!!!!!!

Through my journey to recovery from sexual abuse, through my blog and my twitter account i plan on using my voice to help shed light on the issue of silence of abuse. Like ive said plenty of times through my previous post i was silent for over 10 yrs. I have gotten so much support from all of you who are following me here on my blog and on both my twitter accounts @taracl87 and @silence_no. I am thankful for you all and i hope that through my blog and tweets you are also encourage to do the same and speak out against abuse and use your voice to help end this pain and crime. So many people out there who do no have anyone to talk to about their abuse because they are told to remain silent no only through the abuser but by family members. Not all of us have the luxury to say that our parents have our backs or are supporting us. In my case i have a mother who refuses to hear the truth about her husband who molested her two daughters. She didnt believe my sister so i never told her about myself. That is why i was silent for so longer. I refuse to stay silent. No longer will i allow my silence to keep control over me. All it is doing is making me suffer and relive that those days where i was  molested. I do not want to keep reliving the memories or flashbacks. Thats is why i spoke out this year. It may have been online but at least my story is out there. I know that through my story i can help someone. Well at least i hope. I may not understand how it is to be raped. I was just molested but its still a crime. I felt i was being raped because of what my stepdad did to me when he pinned me against the wall. It was horrible.

What i am trying to say by this is that i am here using my voice and story to help others speak out. I want to help end this abuse and end the silence. I want us all to STAND UP TOGETHER!!! I want us to FIGHT THIS FIGHT TOGETHER!!!! Together we can end this one step at a time. All it takes is for a bunch of us rather your a survivor or support to stand up and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!! WE WILL NOT TAKE THIS ABUSE NO MORE. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SPEAK OUT. Rather its someone you trust or online, share your voice, share your story. Please lets help each other out and bring justice to those who cant like myself. NO MORE SILENCE!!! NO MORE VICTIMS. WE ARE BREAKING THE SILENCE ONCE AND FOR ALL.

I spoke out and it should matter.

Well as some of you know here and on twitter i was thinking about telling my mo about my abuse from my stepfather. I was going to tell her because 1) i felt i needed to tell her. I felt it was a weight on my shoulders and 2) i felt like i owe it to my followers who look up to me and ask me for help on speaking out. I do not want to look like a hypocrite for telling others to seek justice if I havent done so myself. You have to understand how hard it is for me to speak to my mom about my abuse. I do plan on telling her but not the way i was thinking on doing it. I cant just spring it her. She has a bad heart. She cant be going through any stress because she can have a heart attack. So i was weighing my options to see which is the best way to tell her if i did decide i will go through it. The choice i came up with is this, my mom would sometimes ask me if my stepfather has ever gotten fresh with me or touched me and i would tell her no because i was afraid of telling her the truth. So i decided that if she did ask me again, i will try and have enough courage to tell her the truth. But until then i cant tell her. I cant risk hurting her. I would bare having that blame on me.. So i will wait until the right time to speak to her but for now I SPOKE OUT ONLINE AND THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH. AS LONG AS WE HAVE SPOKEN OUT ABOUT OUR ABUSE, IT SHOULD MATTER THE FORM WE DO IT. WE ARE STILL SPREADING THE WORD OUT THAT WE WERE ABUSED. OUR ABUSERS HAVE NO SAY ANYMORE. THEY CANT HARM US. THEY CANT TOUCH US. NO LONGER ARE WE SILENT. THE MINUTE WE CHOSE TO SPEAK OUT IS THE MINUTE WE DECIDED TO END THE SILENCE. TOGETHER WE ARE BREAKING THE SILENCE. NO MORE VICTIMS. NO MORE SILENCE.

I DO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.........

As you have read my story on here before you will see that i was molested twice by two family members, my uncle and my stepdad. Both lasted a while but with my stepfather it lasted a lot longer than with my uncle. I have a point i want to make. Someone on my twitter account who no longer follows me told me i don't understand her because i wasn't raped. Maybe i don't understand what its like being raped but when my stepfather was holding me against the wall and moving his body back and forth i felt like i was raped. So in ways i do understand how you feel...........................

I know what its like to be afraid and not being able to tell anyone.
I know how it to have to deal with feeling guilty, like it was all your fault.
I know how it feels when you don't have anyone believe you or refuses to hear the truth.
I know what its like wanted to KILL YOURSELF over it.
I know how it is to cut yourself.

I can keep going down the list but you get what i am trying to say here. I understand how you feel. I still deal with the emotions simply because I had remain silent for 10+ years. I never had anyone to talk to besides my sister but because she was also molested by our stepfather i dared not tell her because i did not want to be a burden on her shoulders. But the fact of the matter is that i could have told her and maybe i would not felt like i was online in this. For a while i felt alone. It wasn't until i joined twitter for Mariska Hargitay and saw that she had a foundation (Joyful Heart) that educated and empowered women of sexual abuse, child abuse and domestic violence, and met other survivors who helped encourage me to speak out so i did. Thank to one known as Teri Lynn Hatcher (Not the real actress), she helped me out alot and i am thankful to have met her. 

So the reason for this post is to show you 1) i felt like no one would understand and 2) show you that i now know that there are others like me and i do understand how you feel. We are SURVIVORS. NO MORE VICTIMS. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. LETS STAND STRONG AND HOLD EACH OTHER UP!!!