still in pain

I walk around with a smile on my face as if nothing has ever happened to me but deep down in side im screaming and no one hears. Like i said before i still live at home with one of my abusers which is my stepdad. No one know not even my mother. She refuses to accept that her husband is capable of doing such a thing like that. I havent had bad nights in about a month but i still have the memories but im choosing not to let them consume me. Not since a few weeks ago where this situation happened. Anyway when that happened i was the one being blamed for opening my mouth and saying some thing because i wanted to clear the rumors up. I was called a bitch and everything. I was so torn apart that i started cutting myself again. And with that all the emotions from when i was molestedf came upon me. I was out of it. My mind was just not in the right state that i didnt realize what i did. I really try not to cut. It really doesnt help. All it does is subside your true pain,hides it so you end up with bottled emotions.