Monday, May 14, 2012

I'm Back!!

Hey guys I know its been a while since I wrote in my blog. Nothing really new is going on except for doing good is school. For those who do not know, I am in an online University called Ashford and I am majoring in Psychology to become a counselor for women and children and youth. I may have already mentioned this in previous post so forgive me if  I seem to repeat myself quite a bit. I want to help others who share the same stories as I do. I know what it is like to be a victim of sexual abuse. Although my abuse may not have been as bad as what other went through and I am so sorry for those who had to deal with that, but I do know how you feel. You feel betrayed, hurt, disgusted, blaming yourself for what happened even though you somehow know that it is not your fault. I blamed myself for a while because of the way my body betrayed me. I hated how I felt at the times I was being abused. I wanted it to stop but it didn't. But I have come to realize that no of this was my fault. I did nothing to make them want to touch me and kiss on me. They were just sick people who didn't know better. I wish I could go back in time and change all of this. I have been asked " if i could go back and seek justice, would I do it? " My respond would be yes I do wish I could go back and get the justice I deserve and put those pervs in jail for what they did but its too late now. I wish I was brave enough to come forward and speak out. You see so many people come forward and it makes you think " what is wrong with me? Why couldn't be that brave and come out? " Its hard to come out and speak to someone about that. You are not sure how they are going to respond. You are not sure if they are going to believe you. I know its hard. I had to deal with my mother not believing me when I told her about one of the abusers which was my uncle. My stepfather was another one but I didn't tell her because she loves him and she didn't believe it when my sister told her so I knew she wouldn't believe me. (For those who are confused about that last statement, my older sister was also molested by our stepfather but my mother didn't believe her).

Anyway I know its hard to talk to a parent about sexual assault because of how it MAKES YOU FEEL!!. But you should find someone you really confide in and talk to them. Don't make the same mistake I made and kept silent for over ten years and have to deal with all the emotions overflowing at once. It was hard dealing with the emotions since i hid them for so long. Its hard but you can do it. You can receive justice. You can get out. You have to try. There are also different organizations you can join and follow. Some of them are The Joyful Heart Foundation by Mariska Hargitay ( @TheJHF @Mariska ), RAINN (@RAINN01), NSVRC (@NSVRC ) and several others you can find on twitter and such.

I really hope you all get the help and justice you deserve. I deserved it but I didn't have the courage to speak out then. I hope you can speak out and use your voice. Share your story. Use your voice. Lets be a voice to those who never had their voices heard.( #ISTANDUP for justice and speaking out. No longer will I remain in silence. #BreakingTheSilence through my blog)<<<<<<< This is my daily tweet that I do everyday or so often. Join me if you like. Retweet it and rewrite it.

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