Wednesday, July 27, 2011
ANOTHER PART OF MY LIFE!!!!
Again to do those who knows all about my life so far and all i have been through you will know where im going with this. I cant stress this enough. Its hard for me to go out and speak out in public. My mom doesnt know nor will believe me so she will not support me. I have a huge support system and friends who truly believe me and who will stick by me but the fact of not having my mother, the one who is suppose to protect you and stick by your side no matter what, kills me inside and out. Its hard not having her protection there. The hardest part of it all was that she was visiting family in florida the time my stepdad decided to molest me and on top of it all i was sick. He took advantage of me that whole time he was taking care of me. (im going off track here for a reason) When i was younger, I cant remember how old i was; maybe around 8 or 9, my stepdad used to rub vicks on my chest to help me breathe better through the night when i was sick. One time as he did that he started rubbing with the palm of his hand my nipple and just smiled at me like he was enjoying himself. I know now that he was in fact enjoying himself because of what he did shortly after. Anyway at that time I really didnt think much to it because i was never taugh GOOD TOUCH/BAD TOUCH so i didnt know or understand what was going on at that moment. It was terrible. Now getting back to what i was saying. The point is that my mom allowed these things to happen rather she knew it or not. She missed to warning signs and just didnt believe when i tried to say something. There was a time i tried to tell her. I didnt say the horrible details but i told how he would give me these looks and then smile at whenever i sat in an inappropiate possession. I sometimes feel its my fault because i sat that way. I didnt know i was sitting wrong. But i tried to tell her but she just shut me up. The worst part of it all was that his family told my mother not to marry him because he had a record before of molested his ex girlfriend's daughter. Who in the right mind will marry a man who had that on his record. Anyway again my point is that even though i have a huge support group on my side who will stick by me, i cant do anything about what happen to me. What i AM doing is going to college to become a counselor for women/children/teens like me who never had someone to speak out to.