Sunday, June 5, 2011
SAFE!!
well some of you know that i am spending time with my sister here in new jersey. im staying for the whole summer since im jobless at the moment. i needed this break because of the fact that i still live at home with my parents and my stepdad was one of my abuser. since i been here with my sister i feel so much safer. i havent had bad nights. i actually sleep alot better and i havent been under alot of stress. they offered me to live with them permanently but im not sure. i feel like a child always asking for permission from my mom to do things on my own when im 23 years old. my childhood was taken away from me and i now is my chance to redeem it. im just not sure if it would be the right move. but all i know is that i feel so much safer here. and i know that if i move here things would be so much better and healthier for me. im just so confused and worried that im doing something wrong. all thanks to my abusers i lost my childhood and my way of feeling. it really sucks to be this way. i feel like a child trapped in an adults body. im not tough or strong like everyone else. i have so many fears and its stopping me from moving forward. but all i know is that since i been here with my sister i feel safe. theres a warmth coming in this home and its so peaceful. i know its the grace of God surrounding me here and protecting me. i dont want this to end. this is my safe home.
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I think you know that it would be the right move for you, there's no need to be afraid to take that step and get away from your stepdad. If your sister is happy for you to live with her, then go for it hon. You say yourself you're happier, feel safer and are sleeping better which is all positive, and it's clear from speaking to you that you are so much more relaxed. Make the move. I don't see how you could regret it compared to going back...
ReplyDeletei know thanks. its just i dont know why i feel that why. i feel like im abandoning my mom or something reach is silly since im 23. i dont know.
ReplyDeleteHi Tara,
ReplyDeleteYour doing what you need to protect your heart and mind and that's the most important thing, I just read the comment you left on my blog and left a response to it. You deserve to feel safe and you deserve to be happy. x
I agree...you need to do whatever you need that keeps you safe in every way. glad I found your blog.
ReplyDeletethank you sarah :)
ReplyDeletei'm so glad that you decided to stay with your sister. the last thing you are is weak, tara!this is a huge step and you have taken it. you have grown so much since i first met you, and i see you growing even more now that you have this new freedom in your heart, in your soul and in your life. you are truly a survivor and you have a courageous, loving, generous heart. it's your turn, love, to make your dreams come true without the veil of fear! love you bunches ;O)
ReplyDeletewell, somehow, my comment didn't show up, so i will try to remember all that i said!
ReplyDeletei'm so glad that you made the decision to stay with your sister. you are anything but weak, tara! it takes so much courage to take a step like that and choose to free yourself from all that you have known for so many years, even though it is unhealthy. you deserve to be safe, and you have grown so much since i first met you. now, i look at you and i see a young woman opening up more and more, freeing herself. you deserve to have this safety in your heart, in your soul and in your life. you deserve to make your dreams come true without being under a veil of fear! i love you, sweetie, and i can't wait to see your story continue to unfold! ;o)
thank you now that im free i can continue to share my story safely and give others hope. i have people telling me i should seek justice but i cant seem to do so. i still have time i believe but i just cant.
ReplyDelete