Sunday, June 5, 2011
well some of you know that i am spending time with my sister here in new jersey. im staying for the whole summer since im jobless at the moment. i needed this break because of the fact that i still live at home with my parents and my stepdad was one of my abuser. since i been here with my sister i feel so much safer. i havent had bad nights. i actually sleep alot better and i havent been under alot of stress. they offered me to live with them permanently but im not sure. i feel like a child always asking for permission from my mom to do things on my own when im 23 years old. my childhood was taken away from me and i now is my chance to redeem it. im just not sure if it would be the right move. but all i know is that i feel so much safer here. and i know that if i move here things would be so much better and healthier for me. im just so confused and worried that im doing something wrong. all thanks to my abusers i lost my childhood and my way of feeling. it really sucks to be this way. i feel like a child trapped in an adults body. im not tough or strong like everyone else. i have so many fears and its stopping me from moving forward. but all i know is that since i been here with my sister i feel safe. theres a warmth coming in this home and its so peaceful. i know its the grace of God surrounding me here and protecting me. i dont want this to end. this is my safe home.