Wednesday, June 1, 2011
well like i had written before that i still live at home with one of my abusers because he is my stepfather. its hard to be there all the time. everyday i walk around the house and i feel so uncomfortable. the fact that my mother doesn't or refuses to believe that he is capable of doing such a things get me angry. her eyes are blinded and i hate the way they act with each other. anyway the point of me writing this is to say that for the next month ill will be staying with my sister visiting her and the kids. i needed to get out of my house. the fact that i walk around like nothing is wrong yet inside im screaming for help affects me. i cry myself to sleep most nights. i started cutting myself again because the pain, emotions and the memories from the nights and weeks i was molested from both my uncle and step-dad became unbearable caused me to black out sometimes. i still have bad nights but not as bad as i used to. Ive come very far from to time i began to speak out about what had happened to me. but things have gotten better. be posting everyday or so often is my way to vent and let things out when i dont have anyone else to speak to. but im so thankful for all those who i have met through the joyful heart foundation on Facebook and twitter. Ive met awesome survivors who help and encourage me. im so grateful for those. if you are in a place where you need to be free find someone you can visit for a while. give yourself a break for a bit. you all deserve it. thats what im doing right now. dont let the person or the people who harm you keep you from doing what you need to do to heal and break free. i still haven't had the proper help most have sought but i rely on God. I have friends who help me along the way and without them i dont think i could have made it now. so again i say find a safe place to run to even if its just for a few day, weeks or months.