Tuesday, April 5, 2011
emotions
For a long time i have let the emotions of my abuse have control of my life. At times i blamed myself. At night i would cry myself to sleep because i just couldnt deal with everything. The fact no one in my family believed me even til this day. Nights would be so bad that i had bad thoughts. The feelings became so overwhelming. Even though i didnt have my family support i had my friends from church and others on my side. They helped me get through the roughest nights. I realized that its not my fault and i needed to stop blaming myself. Things like this isnt our faults. Its just something that happens. But i chose not to keep letting all those thoughts and emotions keep me down. By keeping silent were letting those who harmed us win. No more silence. I took a stand to speak out. Thanks to all the groups i found such as the joyful heart foundation by my favorite actress and role model Mariska Hargitay. Shes such an amazing person. The fact she took something on this way is truly amazing. Which gets to my point
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I'm overwhelmed much of the time as well, only I'm just feeling all of the pain, sorrow, shame, anger... I buried my feelings and the truth of what happened to me for so long that when they all broke through, and I had no control last fall, I felt like I was drowning. I still feel that way much of the time now, and it effects everything in my life from my feelings about parenting to my feelings about my existence. Like you, I am blessed every day and more grateful than words can say to have found and connected with other survivors; amazing women who surround me with love, support, encouragement and strength.
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