Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Well as i said before i held in the fact that i was sexually abused for tens yrs. Since i started speaking out about it its been really hard. I have breakdowns. I still have flashbacks and it doesnt help that i still live at home with my mom and stepdad who was one of the abusers. Its hard. The fact that i have a mother who chose her husband over her daughter. It hurts so bad. I cry every night because of it. But going back to me speaking out. Some times i regret speaking out. If i can hold it in for ten yrs, then holding it in a little longer would be an issue. But then i think if im having breakdowns and flashbacks by talking about, imagine how would i be feeling if i didnt speak out about it. I look back at that and see that i would be so emotional and heart broken and I would be doing so much self damage. Even though i still have bad nights with flashbacks and break downs at least i know i took that first step and spoke out. Im so thankful that i met other survivor who encourage me and help me when i fall

1 comment:

  1. ...from your last 3 posts ~ you are right, we can't stop speaking out; sexual assault awareness shouldn't be one month a year, it should be a continual conversation, and we can make that happen as survivors. i understand completely how you feel when you wonder if you made a mistake speaking out and sharing your story. i feel that way at times, but that is mostly when i confront some new issue and i fear what i'm going to have to deal with. you are stronger and stronger each day, and you have to depend on that fact. keep it up, and know i love you and i'll always be hear for you.