Wish I had my mom!!!!!

To those who have been keeping updated with my blog post and have read previous post from the beginning will know what I mean when I write this. I will say it again. I was molested by two family members. An uncle and my stepfather. My mom didn't believe me when I told her about my uncle molesting me so I never really tried telling her everything my stepfather had done to me. I tried telling her at one point about the looks he would give me but she said I was only saying that because of my sister who was also molested by our stepfather which my mother did not believe her as well which is one of my reasons I did not tell my mom about him. So anyway that's just a brief summary of what happened. 

So.......How many of you have every seen the movie Georgia Rule with Lindsey Lohan and Jane Fonda?Well I can surely relate to that movie and many of you can. Basically Lohan plays the role of a girl who was molested by her stepfather and her mother doesn't believe her at first. Lohan in the movie is this girl who tries to look for love in the wrong places and with older men because of what happened to her...........

Anyway the reason I bring up that movie is because both me and my sister can relate to that story since our mom did not want to believe us when we told her we were abused. In the movie at the end the mom and daughter reconcile because she finally realized that her daughter wasn't lying about what happened. 

So...................the reason why i titled this I wish I had my mom is because she still doesn't want to believe us or accept the fact that her husband is an abuser and she is still with him. I wish that I had a mom that would believe me and tell me that everything is going to be fine and that she will always be there. But I don't. It still bothers me as you can see that I do not have her support but at the same time, i have my sister, my brother in law and many friends and supporters by my side. And I thank each and everyone of you for having my back. I wish I had that but I know I will be ok.

To those who complain about your parents and such please I say to you do not mistreat them. Love them and listen to what they say. I never did anything wrong to her, but she is such in denial that its horrible. But anyways I am ok. No worries. I have been healing and even though I dont have her support I have yours. love you all. 

I am not a counselor I am an advocate!!!!

I AM NOT A COUNSELOR I AM AN ADVOCATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey guys I just wanted to let you all know that I am not a counselor yet. I am majoring in Psychology to become a counselor but I am not one yet. I can not really offer to much advice to any one because I can get in trouble if something goes wrong. The only thing I can offer is the different organizations that you can call to help you if have a crisis. I share my story in hopes that other victims can come forward and share their voices and be free from their abusers. I can say that I am free from mine. I know that there are alot of people out there that my say I can not relate to them because I was just molested. I know how it feels to be betrayed by a friend or family member. I know how it is to feel sick and disgusted. I know how it feels to think it is your fault, that you did something wrong. Well guess what, ITS NOT OUR FAULT. WE DID NOTHING WRONG. WE DID NOT BEG FOR THIS TO HAPPEN TO US. WE DID NOT ASK TO GET RAPED OR MOLESTED. WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY FOR IT. WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LIVE IN FEAR FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

We are survivors. We made it our. We are free and we should stick together and end the silence on abuse. To many people remain in silent because of not being believe. The abusers made sure that you will not speak out because if you do they no longer will have control. SPEAK OUT AND GET THE JUSTICE YOU DESERVE. I COULDN'T RECEIVE JUSTICE ( if you read previous posts you will understand why). I AM GETTING MY JUSTICE BY SPEAKING OUT. I AM NOT LONGER A VICTIM. I AM A SURVIVOR. YOU CAN BE ONE TOO. SEEK HELP. THERE ARE SO MANY ORGANIZATIONS THAT CAN HELP. ONE THAT IS VERY GOOD TO HELP IS RAINN. CHECK OUT THEIR WEBSITE BELOW....

http://www.rainn.org 

Love this song. I think we can all relate to this.

I'm Back!!

Hey guys I know its been a while since I wrote in my blog. Nothing really new is going on except for doing good is school. For those who do not know, I am in an online University called Ashford and I am majoring in Psychology to become a counselor for women and children and youth. I may have already mentioned this in previous post so forgive me if  I seem to repeat myself quite a bit. I want to help others who share the same stories as I do. I know what it is like to be a victim of sexual abuse. Although my abuse may not have been as bad as what other went through and I am so sorry for those who had to deal with that, but I do know how you feel. You feel betrayed, hurt, disgusted, blaming yourself for what happened even though you somehow know that it is not your fault. I blamed myself for a while because of the way my body betrayed me. I hated how I felt at the times I was being abused. I wanted it to stop but it didn't. But I have come to realize that no of this was my fault. I did nothing to make them want to touch me and kiss on me. They were just sick people who didn't know better. I wish I could go back in time and change all of this. I have been asked " if i could go back and seek justice, would I do it? " My respond would be yes I do wish I could go back and get the justice I deserve and put those pervs in jail for what they did but its too late now. I wish I was brave enough to come forward and speak out. You see so many people come forward and it makes you think " what is wrong with me? Why couldn't be that brave and come out? " Its hard to come out and speak to someone about that. You are not sure how they are going to respond. You are not sure if they are going to believe you. I know its hard. I had to deal with my mother not believing me when I told her about one of the abusers which was my uncle. My stepfather was another one but I didn't tell her because she loves him and she didn't believe it when my sister told her so I knew she wouldn't believe me. (For those who are confused about that last statement, my older sister was also molested by our stepfather but my mother didn't believe her).

Anyway I know its hard to talk to a parent about sexual assault because of how it MAKES YOU FEEL!!. But you should find someone you really confide in and talk to them. Don't make the same mistake I made and kept silent for over ten years and have to deal with all the emotions overflowing at once. It was hard dealing with the emotions since i hid them for so long. Its hard but you can do it. You can receive justice. You can get out. You have to try. There are also different organizations you can join and follow. Some of them are The Joyful Heart Foundation by Mariska Hargitay ( @TheJHF @Mariska ), RAINN (@RAINN01), NSVRC (@NSVRC ) and several others you can find on twitter and such.

I really hope you all get the help and justice you deserve. I deserved it but I didn't have the courage to speak out then. I hope you can speak out and use your voice. Share your story. Use your voice. Lets be a voice to those who never had their voices heard.( #ISTANDUP for justice and speaking out. No longer will I remain in silence. #BreakingTheSilence through my blog)<<<<<<< This is my daily tweet that I do everyday or so often. Join me if you like. Retweet it and rewrite it.

Facebook!!!

As some of you may know as I have written on my twitter, I was debating on whether or not to post a status saying I am a survivor. The reason why I didn't want to or was ready to post it is because not everyone on there which is mostly family knows about what happened to me and if i were to put it on my facebook than somehow it would get to my mom because of my family thats on there.

Well................................. I actually posted a status last night on behalf of Sexual Assault Awareness Month #SAAM, that I am a survivor and that our Lord Jesus is healing me through all of it. I do not want to sound conceded but I am very proud of myself because it has taken alot of me to do that. I was really nervous but I CANT KEEP RUNNING. I CANT KEEP HIDING THE TRUTH.  I want to be able to be more open about what happened to me. So i just wanted to give you goes a little update.

THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING MY JOURNEY AND MY BLOG. I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU. GOD BLESS YOU.

My mother is in denial!!!!!

Hey everyone. Hope everyone has enjoyed their Easter this past weekend. Well today's post is going to be able my mother. Not so much but the thing I want to discuss is that I know I have wrote previously that my mother doesn't know about my stepfather abusing me but she knows that I was abused by my uncle. Well I really didn't lie about it but she does know but like I said she is in denial. The thing is that when my sister first came out and told our mother that she was abused by our stepfather, she and my sister also asked me if I was abused. I did try to tell her and when I tried to tell her and talk my mother just shut me up. After that I never really tried to tell her because I knew she would not believe me. SO I did tell her but she was not wanting to listen and that in a way still hurts because she is the one person that is suppose to be there and believe you no matter what. But I have come to realize that she is never going to accept it and I have to just move on. But one thing that I have to say is that I am very proud of myself. I am not ashamed to be a survivor. I am not ashamed to keep using my voice to speak out. I am ok with who ever wants to see this and read this and be blessed. I know God is helping me through my healing journey. I know I am healing. I feel free. I am no longer a victim BUT a survivor.

There are a few reasons why I am writing this post but one of the reasons why is because even though that one person does not want to believe you, there are many others who will believe you and help you get the help you need to begin your healing journey. You can even begin the way I did and start a blog and share your story. Since I began to speak out last year I know I have gained my strength back and my voice. You can gain your voice back too if you just share your story with others rather its online or just going to someone you trust and tell them. Someone will believe you.

 I BELIEVE YOU. I WILL ALWAYS BELIEVE. I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO NOT HAVE THAT PERSON BY YOUR SIDE. YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH. I CAN GUARANTEE THAT. SEEK OUT ORGANIZATIONS LIKE RAINN AND THE JOYFUL HEART FOUNDATION FOUNDED BY MARISKA HARGITAY WHO IS MY INSPIRATION AND A ROLE MODEL TO MANY SURVIVORS. THERE ARE OTHER ORGANIZATIONS AS WELL. STAY BLESSED AND BE BLESSED. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

RJ Helton - Delicate Child

We can relate to this song. But we are survivors and we can fight together. We are no longer a victim. We can have our lives back if we choose to.

SAAM

Hey guys. Well its April and its Sexual Assault Awareness Month. So if you are on twitter please follow the following organizations that have to do with Sexual Assault:
-The Joyful Heart Foundation by Mariska Hargitay @TheJHF @Mariska
-Rainn @RAINN01
- National Sexual Violence Resource Center @NSVRC
- Natasha's Justice Project  @NatashasJustice

The Following are people who are either survivors or supporters and are also spreading the word on Sexual Abuse:
@OnlyWithConsent, @teri_hatcher73, @NatashasJustice, @NatashaSimone, @KadeeStrick @TeamStrick @Char_Coop4eva


And i have many more on my twitter page if you want to help get involved. Please help these organizations to spread the word on violence on women and children and even men. Lets end the silence. Lets end the abuse. Lets help people speak out and get help they deserve.

My First Interview!!!!

Hey guys............

Well for those who are following my on twitter and here now that RAINN asked me to join their Speakers Bureau which i am now officially part of. Well i received an email from the speakers bureau saying that a reporter here in South Jersey wants to interview some survivors from this area. I was happy but also scared at first because this would be the first time i would be speaking out publically.

I had emailed the Megan from Speakers Bureau and told her that I would not mind doing it but if it could be through email in which i felt comfortable with. Well she emailed my info to the reporter and a few days later the reporter contacted me to let me know that doing the interview through email would be fine with her. But after talking with my sister who is also doing the interview with me since she also joined Speakers Bureau, WE decided to do the interview in person SOOOOOOOOOOOOO  this coming Saturday at 5:30pm after i get out of work both me and my sister will be doing the interview in person. I am finally comfortable with sharing my story in public with everyone and its going to be for National Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Im happy that i am able to let go of this fear that i have. So what if certain i didn't want to know finds out about this. You know what I have been praying and asking God to help me find a way to tell others and my mother. Well maybe this will be the way to go about it.

Thank you to those who are supporting me through this process and to RAINN for allowing me to be part of your Speakers Bureau. I am grateful to have found a place like you and also to the Joyful Heart Foundation which was the first place i began to share my story with other survivors.

I will do another post after the interview and let you all know how it went. Thank you and i hope that after reading this those who haven't spoken out yet find encouragement and the strength to seek help.

I am ok!!!!!!!!

As you all know i have been debating that i wanted and needed to tell my mother about my abuse from her husband. Well this passed five days we had a revival in our church and it was incredible. God moved in so many ways and He spoke to me. ( Yes I am a Christian) God told me that what i had  been through, all the hurt and pain i had to go through for a reason. It was to make me stronger and make me a better person. I am strong. I know that He has healed my wounds and my pain that i had endured for so many years. The abuse didn't last through all these years but the memories and pain from it had made me suffer all this time. I know i help encourage others through my blog and my story but i couldn't admit to myself or others that I needed help myself. I thought that I was ok. But I wasn't. It took me a long time to realize that i needed help. I finally got help one by talking to RAINN online hotline and also by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He healed me for good. I no longer feel sorry for myself. I FORGAVE MYSELF. I FORGAVE MY ABUSERS. NO LONGER WILL I ALLOW MY PAIN TO CONTROL ME. NO MORE. I AM HEALED. I WILL CONTINUE TO SHARE MY STORY. I AM FREE!!!!!!!!

What my body desired!!!!!

I have said this before but I want to share it again. After I was abused I had denied that it had ever happened. I didn't want any one to know. I felt ashamed and disgusted. I didn't want anyone to think less of me. After a while I felt that what had happened to me wasn't all that important at all. Why would people care what happened to me? I wasn't raped. This is a question that went through my mind all this time. Sometime to be honest with you i still think about it. Why do people care about my story? I wasn't raped. How can I relate to them? This is how I felt when I started speaking out the first time. It was horrible. I felt bad for those who came up to me and asked for help because I felt I couldn't relate to them. But I learned that it doesn't matter if you were raped or molested, its still something that should not have occurred.......

I didn't realize that what had happened to me would have affected my actions. It truly had. When I finished high school I started dating. When I dated its like I was a completely different person. I would be someone I wasn't and became someone that my exes wanted. I would act a certain why for them and when I was with family I would act different. Then I would allow them to get intimate with me and I enjoyed it. After the first time my body wanted more because in that sense I felt loved. I felt that by doing this with a man I was being loved. I tried so hard to find love in those men that in the end I ended up hurting myself. I began online dating which I said I would never do but did it anyway. I would even meet the guy in person. I put myself in dangerous situations and I thank God He was with me because I could have been hurt or killed. After the guys would break up with me I would get really depressed and begin thinking what is wrong with me. Why arent this guys sticking around. It could be one of two reasons: 1)Im not their type or 2)they can sense there is something wrong with me. But all I know is that they didn't want me after they had their fun with me. But even though in ways they took advantage of me i still wanted more. I wanted so much love from these guys because I lost that growing up. Not only by my abusers but also my mom. But the thing is my body wanted more and I kept going for guys who would provide my needs. All this time I thought they it was natural to feel that way but in reality I was in so much denial of what had happened to me that I acted out in this way. I never really wanted to do the things i did but it happened........

The reason why i decided to right this is because i know its hard to deal what we have been through. No one can fully understand what we been through if you haven't been through something like it. It not natural to act out in this way. We should get help and be able to talk to someone who can help us get through this. Im not a counselor so I can't say what you should do. The reasons for ALL MY POST IS JUST TO ENCOURAGE YOU TO SEEK HELP. DON'T make my mistake. I didn't get the help I needed but at least I was able to speak out even though it took 10yrs. I hope you stay encouraged and get help. You should talk to RAINN who has an online hotline. Their website is  http://www.rainn.org

RAINN Speakers Bureau!!!!

Well i haven't really told any one to much about this because i was honestly debating if i should do it or not. RAINN has asked me to join their speakers bureau which consist of survivors sharing their stories and educating others about abuse. I truly want to do this. My biggest fear would be that they would want me to speak out publically. I honestly wouldn't mind speaking out publically or going places to speak out about my abuse. If that helps to bring more awareness then i am all for it. I want to continue to share my story with others. My other fear  is that people would look at me weird since i was only molested. I said this before and i will say this again. For a long time i felt that what i been through wasn't worth anything and that is wasn't or isn't worth telling the police because they wouldn't do anything. But i realized that is was something important and that i was something tragic that happened to me and it should be spoken about. So my thing is this. I am afraid that if i join the Speakers Bureau i will be asked to speak out in public. I honestly wouldnt mind doing it but not just yet. Im still preparing myself for the right time to speak out more. I wouldnt mind have my story in papers or magazines. I want to be part of Speakers Bureau and i am thankful and honored that RAINN has asked to join and i will continue to share my story with them and with everyone. I want to do this. I know i can reach out to more people and bring more healing and awareness.

This post goes with my last post about my story.

This is my story. Now i am going to talk more about how i felt through it all and how it changed me. Being a survivor of sexual assault has changed my life. Before i couldnt even admit that i was abused. It was hard to speak out the first time. I tried so hard to deny what had happened to me. I felt so disgusted with myself. I felt like i deceived my body but I know it wasnt me nor was it my fault. Thats thing we all believe that it is our fault, that we provoked the person to rape or molest us. We did nothing wrong. Its not our faults. We shouldn't blame ourselves. We have to stop being so hard on ourselves and stop blaming ourselves. Anyway im not involved in any organizations. I have my own blog in which i write about my story and talk about abuse and all the effects of it on my life. The hardest part of my story is the fact that my mother doesnt want to believe. I never did tell my mom the full story but i have tried to tell her some things like the way he would look at me which was in sexual ways and such but she just shut me up. Also the fact that not only i was molested my older sister was also molested by our stepfather. She was also silent for a few years and when she told my mother, my mother didnt want to believe her. So i didnt bother telling her because if she didnt believe my sister she wouldnt believe me. So that is one of the reasons why i didnt tell her besides the fact that she has heart problems. Anyway even though this is a tragic story it has made me a stronger person. I know most of you reading this must be thinking why and how has this made you a stronger person. Well the way it has made me a stronger person is that i was able to CLAIM MY LIFE BACK!!! So many people have remained silent and will continue to remain because of fear of being rejected or being hurt again. You know what it wasnt until RECENTLY that i realized that its ok if i were to get rejected. If im rejected its ok. I remember reading this quote and it made a good point. I cant remember if this is the right way it goes but it said " You cant go through life thinking everyone you will meet you hurt you in the end" Well as hard or scary that may sound especially for victims and survivors, its true. If we continue to go through our life with that fear in the end we are hurting ourselves. We are going to get hurt by people and that doesnt mean that you are going to get raped again or sexually assault. What i mean is that we should allow ourselves to put our guards down every once and a while and begin to trust people again. Someone along the line will have a similar story to you and will make your life so much worth it and you will be able to get through and move forward. Do not allow yourselves to allow your abuse to control you. Another lesson i learned was that by us remaining silent and allowing our emotions to consume us, its like we are giving our abusers the right to have done what they did and the glory. NO WE ARE NOT! We are going to claim back our lives and we are no longer going to allow our emotions to consume us and control us. Im not saying you have to stop feeling what you are feeling. Its going to take time to get through it. You are going to have moments that you do not want to continue with your life. It wasnt until last year when i started to speak out to stop cutting. Well actually until i moved out of the home where i was abused which was last may, i moved in with my sister. Im from Connecticut and i moved to New Jersey. Anyway I used to cut myself because when i chose to speak out for the first time last year in April i couldnt deal with the emotions that came with it. For the 10+ yrs that i was silent, so much emotions and anger was built up that when i wrote about my abuse online i couldnt sleep at night because i was constantly crying myself o sleep. Trust me it is very hard to keep silent. The way i spoke out was online only. I couldnt do it publically like most people and to be honestly i couldnt nor didnt get or seek justice. I couldnt for so many reasons. But i got my justice by moving out and SPEAKING OUT. No longer will i remain silent. I chose to use my voice to speak out about my abuse and help others.

I hope that with this story i give someone the courage to stand up and speak out about their own abuse. We can take a stand together and make a difference. I hope you have courage to stand and speak out. I didn't have it then but i have it now. I have gained my voice again and will use it now to shed light on the issue of silence. Even though i couldnt receive justice but i do encourage others to speak out and try to seek justice. Do not make the same mistake as I. If i could go back and try to receive justice i would but its late for me. You still have time. Get help. Join organizations that can help you. If you would like to follow me i do have a twitter account. I have two. One for my blog and another one. They are @taracl87 and @silence_no

My Story Again.

Well im now 24 years old and last April i started a blog in which i chose to speak out about my abuse. I am a survivor of childhood molestation by my stepfather and my uncle. Before i had spoken out i was silent for over ten years. The reason i didn't speak out when it first happened was for two reasons. The first is because when i told my mom that my uncle molested me she didn't want to believe it since it was her brother. It went on for a few weeks. He would touch me in places he should not be touching and then he would kiss my lips. I didn't know what was going on. I was never taught good touch bad touch. I thought it was ok for an uncle to treat you like that. Im not sure when this happened but it was around the age of 9 or 10. I say that was the first person who abused me but it was actually the same time my stepfather started molesting me. It started one day when i was sick in bed and i needed some vick vapor rub to be rubbed on my chest and back. Since my mom trusted him she allowed him to rub it on me. He started to rub it on my chest and when he did that, he began to rub my nipples. I felt really uncomfortable but again i didn't know that it was an inappropriate touch. After that im not sure what else happened. I only remember a few things that happened. The next abuse i remember was again when i was sick. My mom had went to Florida to visit my sister. She left my brother and I home since we were in school. I had gotten sick and stayed home from school. I was in my parents room which was also the living room at the time. I was on the couch resting and trying to watch the television. He began to kiss my on my neck and then made his way up to my lips. Again i didn't know how to react to that but my body deceived me at that moment. My body liked that attention even though i felt disgusted and scared. I didn't know what would happened next. Then he would bribe me with money and sweets since i was still young. Again im not sure when it happened but it was around the age of 10 or so. Maybe younger. Anyway i believe it was that same that this next thing happened. I had gotten up to go to my room and he followed me. The next thing i know is that he pinned me against the wall with my back facing the wall and moving his body back and forth as though having sex with me. I can still see the look on his face every time i talked about this part of my story. Smiling like he was proud of what he was doing. I felt really scared and disgusted at it. I didn't know what to do. Anyway after that moment it was your usual inappropriate touching that lasted until about a year ago or so. Even though he did what he did he would still try to touch me in places he shouldn't and make these strange noises and facial expressions. I had kept silent for so long and i was tired of dealing with so much emotions and hurt. My mom also wouldn't let me tell her. She told me she wouldn't believe me because my sister also was also abused and she didn't believe her because she also waited a while to come up to my mom. So my believes that since we held it in for so long that we must have enjoyed it. Anyway my mother doesn't know and as much as i want to tell her i cant right now because she has a heart condition and i do not want to be the blame if something happens to her. So here i am now sharing my story in the virtual world and hoping to help others speak out. I am a psychology major and will become a counselor for victims. 

I hope that with this story i give someone the courage to stand up and speak out about their own abuse. We can take a stand together and make a difference. I hope you have courage to stand and speak out. I didn't have it then but i have it now. I have gained my voice again and will use it now to shed light on the issue of silence. 

RAINN Supporters day!!!!!

Natasha Hagan @Char_Coop4eva is in charged of this website for supporters day (  http://www.teamstrick.org/rainnsupportersday.htm ).

She is in charged of RAINN supporters day. This day is for all supporters and survivors of RAINN. RAINN has done so much for survivors and have helped so many people move forward. On their website http://www.rainn.org you can get help by speaking to an online hotline. They offer so many ways to get help. RAINN is one of the many organization that is trying to help victims and survivors continue and gain courage to get their llife back on track and not be afraid to live life fully again. 

So the reason for this is to first tell you about the RAINN supporters day which is Friday January 27. You can check out the first link i posted. Secondly to let you know about all the efforts RAINN does and finally to ask if anyone wants to join and even submit your story for this day i ask you to go and tweet Natasha Hagan and she can help you out. Please help us by showing our support with RAINN.  They are doing a great job and by helping them they can continue to do such an incredible job. Lets stand together in this day. Thank you and hope my followers can help out. Remember by sharing your story your voice you may encourage someone else to step forward and speak out. 

Also come and follow RAINN on twitter. @RAINN01

I AM AN ADVOCATE

I consider myself to be an advocate because of the following reasons:
-I am sharing my story with the world through my blog and twitter.
-I am no longer silent
-I am standing up for something that matters.
-I am giving a voice to others by giving my voice and speaking out.

I know i am an advocate. I am willing to share my voice and story to those who need me and need someone who shares their pain. Its hard but together we can heal and get through these rough patches in our lives. No longer are we going to remain silent. No longer are we going to allow our abusers to hold us down. The more we stay silent, the more we hold on to the pain, we are giving our abusers the glory to get away with the things they did to us. Im not saying you shouldn't hurt or that its not a big deal. It is a big deal. But i learned through family and through a book im reading that we cant keep holding on to the abuse we went through.

 WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SPEAK OUT AND NOT BE ASHAMED. WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SHARE OUR STORY AND BE FREE FROM THE HURT, EMOTIONS AND FLASHBACKS. IM NOT SAYING YOU CANT CRY WHEN YOU SHARE YOUR STORY. ITS OK BUT WE SHOULDN'T ALLOW OUR ABUSE TO KEEP CONTROL OF US. YES IT WAS A BAD THING A VERY BAD THING WE HAD TO ENDURE BUT IN THE END WE GOT JUSTICE. WE ARE FREE. WE CAN CONTINUE TO BE FREE IF WE CHOOSE TO BE FREE. DO NOT LET YOUR ABUSE CONTROL YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE FREE. YOU SURVIVED. AND YOU WILL CONTINUE TO SURVIVE. NO LONGER SILENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO LONGER VICTIMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOGETHER WE TAKE A STAND AND SAY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. LETS END THE SILENCE. LETS END THE ABUSE. LETS USE OUR VOICES TO GIVE THOSE A VOICE WHO COULDNT DO SO. SO MANY OUT THERE WHO HAVENT HAD THE COURAGE TO STAND UP AND THEY PAID THE PRICE. NO MORE. WE NEED TO END THIS NOW. WE HAVE TO MAKE A CHOICE TO HELP SPREAD THE WORD ON SEXUAL ABUSE ON CHILDREN AND WOMEN.

Lets help out by joining groups like JOYFUL HEART FOUNDATION which is founded by Mariska Hargitay and also RAINN. These groups can help you and give you support.  You can follow them on twitter @Mariska @TheJHF @RAINN01
HELP THEM HELP US SURVIVE AND BREAK THE SILENCE AND END THE ABUSE. TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Becoming a counselor?

Well some may know this but to those who do not know i started college over the summer and im majoring in psychology to become a counselor for women and children. Since i was younger i wanted to either be a social worker or teacher. I love helping others and being around children as well. So i figured a teacher and social worker would be the best career choices for me.....

Well since i was younger i always denied the fact that i was abused. I didn't want to admit to myself or anyone that i was abused so thinking about helping others shouldn't bother me. Well in ways i was wrong. Since i started speaking out last year even though i didn't start school until the summer and i spoke out in the beginning of the year, i felt that me becoming a counselor wouldn't be a good idea. How can i be a counselor and help others if i haven't received counseling myself? I wouldn't know what process i would have to go through to help the person. So in my mind i thought that i wouldn't make a good counselor. It wasnt until i started my blog and talking about my abuse and being able to relate to others that i realized that i can be a counselor and its my passion and calling. I realized that i can help people especially those who been through what we all suffered.

I felt like i wasnt meant to be a counselor but as i show my blog grow and even my twitter grow with other survivors, i knew i was meant to help others. I already do it through my blog.  I am no longer afraid to achieve my goal as a counselor and i know i will be a great one because i have experiences that i can relate to my clients. And i know i will continue to get my healing by helping others and pursuing my passion.

I WILL BE A COUNSELOR AND I KNOW I WILL HELP OTHERS THROUGH THEIR JOURNEY AND HEALING. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. WE CAN GET THROUGH TOGETHER.

Stop blaming the victims.

OK so i don't know about anyone else but i am tired of hearing people blame the victims of rape/molestation and saying " If they didn't act like that or wear that, they wouldn't get raped. Yes we should be careful with what we wear bur at the same time we have the right to wear whatever we want. Victims shouldn't be the one to blame. I mean don't go out there in just underwear and a bra but be careful on what you do wear. Either way you shouldn't blame the victim even if she did wear just underwear and a bra. Its not like they are asking to get raped or molested. They are just comfortable with their bodies. I mean i agree that you should watch what you wear especially when your in a place thats horrible but also you should be able to dress the way you want with out feeling like something bad will happen to you.

I dont know.............

This is something that im confused on. I mean its not like its rocket science here you know. I mean i dont want  to say that you should blame the victim. Its never the victims fault. No matter how it happens.

Well this is my opinion. Feel free to comment if you want to add to this or what ever your opinion is but overall i dont think you should blame the victim. Its not right...............

I finally let go!!!

So to all my readers and twitter followers, you all know about my abuse. Well even though i sit here and post and encourage others to speak out and not let what happened to us get the best of us and keep us down, i myself wasnt really taking my own advice. Yes i spoke out and shared my story many times but i was still holding on to the pain and hurt and not fully letting it go so i can heal. Yes its going to be hard to let it go but if we keep shutting ourselves away from people and hiding what happened to us we are not going to get full healing. Like Mariska said in the one episode of SVU " True healing comes when you bear witness meaning that when you speak out, others can hear you and your story can touch them and they will have courage to speak out and that in turn will help you heal because you know that your helping others deal with their pain while your dealing with yours.

I wasnt trying to contradict myself here. I was just as afraid as must of you of letting my guard down and allowing myself to get hurt again and i hate feeling rejected. I want to be able to be with a guy and not be afraid of getting hurt again. I dont want to push others away especially if they are special to me and have a purpose in my life. We cant go through life thinking that everyone we meet will hurt us. Its not like that. We have to get over that fear. Yes we may get heart broken but in the end that will make us stronger. Even in the midst of darkness there is light. And that light is that by us sharing our voices and sharing our stories to others, we can help break the cycle of silence. So many people are afraid of speaking out because of the fear of getting hurt again or our abusers will attack us or our families. But if we seek justice all of that can go away. Again yes there will be moments where we feel that we cant go on but if we just hang on a little longer it will and can get better. My sister helped me figure this out- by us continuing to stay in that moment of our abuse its like we're allowing our abusers to hurt us again and we dont want that at all.

If we continue to use our voices and share our stories we stop giving our abusers glory. By us staying silent, we are hurting ourselves while our abusers are enjoying their lives and acting like nothing happened. But something did happen and now its the time to get through it and stand up together and break free.

WE DECLARE AT THIS MOMENT THAT WE ARE CHOOSING TO BREAK FREE FROM OUR ABUSERS BY SHARING OUR VOICES AND OUR STORIES. WE  WILL NO LONGER REMAIN SILENT. WE WILL NO LONGER LET OUR HURT KEEP CONTROL OVER US. WE CHOOSE NOW TO LET IT GO AND RECEIVE FULL HEALING AND ALLOWING OTHERS INTO OUR LIVES TO HELP US GET THROUGH THIS JOURNEY. WE ARE BREAKING THE SILENCE AND BREAKING EVERY ATTACK AGAINST US FOR USING OUR VOICES.

If you agree with this statement then comment or tweet me through my twitter accounts
@silence_no @taracl87

Being raped or molested is no joke!! Its not our faults!!!!

I said this once before and i will say it again. I am tired of people talking badly about us being raped and molested. Im tired of people making joking and/or blaming the victims for what happened to us. Do you honestly think that we asked to get raped/molested? No the hell we didnt. Sorry for the language but im tired of either being blamed that its our faults or that we are not believed. People prefer to believe the abuser over the victims. It should matter how we dress or act the night it happened, it shouldn't have happened in the first place. It doesn't matter if you were considered a slut or not, you didn't deserve to be raped/molested. Its not our faults that we were in the hands of abusers. Its not our faults that we didn't have anyone to talk to about this situation. Its not our faults.

SO I SAY TO YOU DO NOT DARE TO SIT THERE AND SAY THAT ITS OUR FAULTS. THAT WE ASKED TO GET RAPED/MOLESTED. YOU COULD BE THE CRUELEST PERSON IN THE WORLD BUT NO ONE UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DESERVES TO ENDURE THIS TYPE OF PAIN IN THEIR LIVES.

WE NEVER WANTED THIS BURDEN UPON US. IT WASNT OUR FAULT THAT NO ONE PROTECTED US. IT WASNT OUR FAULT THAT WHEN WE TOLD SOMEONE THEY DIDNT WANT TO BELIEVE US. ITS NOT OUR FAULTS.

SO ONCE AGAIN I SAY TO YOU DO NOT DARE TO SAY THAT ITS THE VICTIMS FAULT AND DO NOT JOKE ABOUT THIS MATTER. IM TIRED OF PEOPLE NOT TAKING  THIS SUBJECT SERIOUSLY. SO MANY UNTESTED RAPE KITS OUT THERE AND NO ONE WANTS TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

WE CAN HEAL BY SHARING OUR STORIES AND STAYING STRONG. WE CAN GAIN OUR LIVES BACK AND I BELIEVE BY DOING SO IS 1) SAYING ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I AM STRONGER THAN BEFORE. MY ABUSERS WILL NO LONGER KEEP CONTROL OVER ME 2) SHARING YOUR STORY WITH OTHERS TO HELP THEM HEAL

Here are a few organizations you can follow on twitter that can help with our situations.
@TheJHF, @RAINN01,
There are others as well but this are the two that have helped me through other survivors stories. Get the help you need. I am here to only speak out and help encourage others to do the same.